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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22898287">Long Time No See</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RamWrites/pseuds/RamWrites'>RamWrites</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hunter X Hunter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Actual Bullying, College AU, F/M, Mentions of Heavy Bullying, Possessive Behavior, Stalking, Yandere, from my tumblr, non-con, reader - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:14:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,284</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22898287</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RamWrites/pseuds/RamWrites</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Shalnark is very happy to see you again. You less so.</p><p>A collection of the Yan! Shalnark x Reader College AU stories taken from my Tumblr.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>198</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Would it be strange to drop out of college on your first day?</p><p>The first payments had already been made, your room fully decorated and your first courses all started today. During a bit of an introduction week you had gotten to know a few people to sit with during class, and even some you’d consider possible friends. Excitement to start college was mixed with a bit of homesickness, but you were mostly happy.</p><p>Or at least, you were until you spotted him.</p><p>While computer science wasn’t really something you wanted to take, it was the only optional course available when you’d tried to enroll. You had tried calling the faculty to report the buggy website, but they hadn’t taken your complaints seriously, as no one else was having difficulties.  It was a bit of a stretch from your major, but you needed the extra credits, so an attempt had to be made.</p><p>You sat next to a girl you’d spoken a few words with during the introduction party, something that had been boring but necessary to create at least a bit of a social circle. Most of the students had sat down when the teacher came in, a rather young, blonde man with bright green eyes.</p><p><em>Oh</em>.</p><p>You were barely able to breathe when he introduced himself to the class as Shalnark Ryusei.</p><p>
  <em>The group surrounding you laughed as they pushed your head underwater, only pulling you up when their leader lifted his hand. Some bellowed with laughter as you came up, gasping for breath and struggling to getaway.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Is she talking yet?” The soft voice of their black-haired leader interrupted, the rest of the group quieting down when he spoke. “What do you say when Shalnark asks you to play with him?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Some part of you wanted to spit at them and scream for help, but you’d just be pushed underwater again. Tears wobbled down your cheeks as you felt the hand on your back begin to push you down again. Your new clothes were wet and you were so cold, mom would be so mad.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“i-i’ll play.”</em>
</p><p>“Welcome to Introduction to Computer Sciences, I’m looking forward to this semester.” You looked down at your blank notes, wanting to look anywhere but at him. “We’ll start with a little bit of the absolute basics, so please open-“</p><p>You drowned out his voice, panicking a bit as you realized it was really him.</p><p>He hadn’t changed in the slightest, his blonde hair still messy but well-kept, his green eyes exuding cheerfulness. The only difference with the last time you had seen him was the suit he wore, a drastic change from the usual sleeveless shirts he wore. He was still handsome as ever, though you could only look at him and wince.</p><p>Did he recognize you?</p><p>You had cut your hair since the last time you’d seen him, and you wore a baggy hoody now, so maybe he wouldn’t notice you. Looking down, you avoided looking directly at him, hoping that would decrease the chances of him recognizing you.</p><p>What would he even do?</p><p>Grabbing a pencil, you started drawing on your notepad, keeping your attention on the useless activity to avoid having a panic attack in the middle of class. It worked a bit, though every time his voice rang through the room you felt goosebumps on your entire forearm.</p><p>A plan started forming as you were drawing. You’d go to the administration after this and ask them to transfer you to whatever other courses they could. If that didn’t work you’d drop this one and make up the credits with some extracurricular sometime later.</p><p>
  <em>From primary school to high school, Shalnark made you hang out with him every so often. Hanging out at his house was weird, him just typing away on a computer while you sat next to him in complete silence. He always wore a smile though, so you guessed he thought that was fine.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sometimes he went to your house, but you really didn’t like that. Your father and mother were always so happy to see you bring home a friend, and they didn’t even notice that his grasp on your hand was a little too tight. The worst part was that whenever he went into your room, he would take things.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He turned to you, your favorite stuffed toy in hand.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You don’t mind if I take this, right?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You said nothing as he pocketed it.</em>
</p><p>Break arrived not a minute too soon and ignoring the questions of the girl from the introduction party, you ran out of the classroom. When you opened the door, you had felt his eyes on your back, but you didn’t dare turn around. You weren’t sure if you were able to keep it together if you looked at him any longer than you had to.</p><p>The intention was to immediately go to administration, yet when you saw the bathrooms, you decided to make a detour. All stalls were empty, and there was no one to be seen, so you sat in one of the stalls and locked the door.</p><p>When you sat down, tears immediately fell down your face, every bit of build-up panic releasing in one go. The sight of him had brought back parts of your life you didn’t ever want to recollect, certainly not when college had been your way of starting anew.</p><p>Sniffling in the bathroom, something you had promised yourself to never do again, you looked at your phone. Reading an article on some popular artist committing a felony felt weird concerning the situation, but it was a bit of a distraction at least. You weren’t like you used to be, you would fix this. He wouldn’t get to you again.</p><p>
  <em>“Did you hear what y/n did? I heard she did it with three guys behind the bleachers.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Really? The whore.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ignoring the buzzing of your telephone, you walked through the halls, trying very hard to also ignore the pointed whispers and mean-spirited stares. Some guy tripped you up and you fell to the ground. Picking yourself up, you rushed to the bathroom, wanting to at least be able to cry without people staring.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You were halfway high school, yet you had still been unable to escape Shalnark. Nobody had believed you when you’d told them about what he did to you: the isolation, the ‘kissing practice’, the weekly ‘hang-outs’. Slowly the realization came through that nothing would change if you didn’t act.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So you did.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ever since you had stopped showing up for Shalnarks weekly dose of humiliating you, rumors had been spreading throughout the entire school. This week you had apparently slept with three guys, last week you had stolen money from some girl you’d never seen, and the week before that you had seemingly been willing to trade oral sex for drugs.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The buzzing of your phone was the worst, your entire inbox filled to the brim with mean messages and insults. Of course, he had given out your contact information to everyone in school. Nobody wanted to talk to you anymore, and any ‘friends’ you had before everything happened, avoided you like the plague.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>After school that day you walked dejectedly to his house.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He opened the door with a blinding smile.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“There you are!”</em>
</p><p>After high school, you had once again avoided Shalnark, thinking that if he were to doxx you again or do something else crazy, you could at least stay home. Your family also had a three-week vacation planned, so you looked forward to finally cutting him off for good.</p><p>The summer had been nice, and though you could have started with college immediately, you instead opted to stay with your aunt for a year, working in a small restaurant. By doing this you hoped to regain your footing, before finally becoming your own person.</p><p>You weren’t sure what Shalnark had done to already be able to teach, but somehow it didn’t surprise you as much as it should. He had always been incredible with technology, though you hadn’t thought teaching to be his thing. He didn’t like people in general, the only exceptions seeming to be you and a group of people he met up with occasionally.</p><p>Your musing was interrupted by the opening of the door, someone walking into the room. You immediately shut up, keeping in even the slightest sniffle. The steps sounded too heavy to be a female student, and for a moment you wondered if it was the janitor.</p><p>“Seems you haven’t really changed, have you? You always run to these kinds of places when you’re crying.”</p><p>Shalnarks’ voice rang throughout the room, and you nearly dropped your phone in surprise. Peering under the door, you saw his familiar shoes straight in front of your stall, facing you.</p><p>“You can’t be here.” Your voice sounded pathetic, proving his statement completely right. “These are the girl’s bathrooms.”</p><p>He laughed, a sound that was so familiar. “Is that so? Good thing I locked the door then.”</p><p>Memories of similar acts he had pulled in the past ran through your mind. The time he had locked you in his room for an entire night, calling your parents to inform them of the ‘sleepover’ without even asking you. The time he had sliced your bicycle tires so you were forced to sit on the backside of his, or even the time when he had literally broken your window for staying in sick without calling him beforehand.</p><p>He had controlled every part of your life for years and you had always been scared of him.</p><p>You never dared to go to the cops or tell anyone, the few times you actually did tell small bits, nobody believed you. Shalnark was the school’s top student, and you were just someone nobody liked and nobody believed. There was a reason all those rumors he spread back then stuck so well, nobody knew any better. Nobody but Shalnark himself.</p><p>In some part of yourself, you feared him just as much as you did back then.</p><p>But you couldn’t live under his thumb forever.</p><p>You stood up, lifting the lock before slamming open the door and looking him straight in his eyes. Your breath hitched in your throat when you faced him head-on, his face still so sweet-looking, even after all he’d done. His eyes still looked so soft, not even a shred of malice to be found in them. Yours were probably still puffy from crying, but it gave you a modicum of satisfaction to see the slight surprise in his eyes.</p><p>“I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but I’m not falling for it.” You stated angrily, your fingernails digging into your wrist. “If you’re really working here, I’m dropping out.”</p><p>You tried to walk past him, but his arms were around you in mere moments, holding you against the closed stall next to the one you had been crying in. His surprise had shifted into a shaky smile that seemed more deranged than happy.</p><p>“You haven’t even heard my offer yet.” He said, his voice lower than before. “Were you always this impatient?”</p><p>Struggling to get out of his grip, you tried to lift your knee, but he apparently saw it coming and turned you around, twisting your hands behind your back as he pressed you harshly against the door.</p><p>“<em>Goddamnit</em>, just let me go.” You bit at him, though you were a bit fearful as you weren’t used to his violent outburst anymore. “Why do you always do this?”</p><p>Pressing himself taut against your back, he whispered in your ear. “You won’t be able to switch courses this late. They have a deadline for that. If you miss these credits, you’ll have to re-do this course, meaning you’re back with me either way. Dropping out is, of course, a possibility, but can you afford that? Didn’t the payments already process? You won’t get those back.”</p><p>You pursed your lips as his words started registering, but even as they made sense in a ‘logical’ way, he didn’t seem to realize that you would rather spend the rest of your life in debt with disappointed parents than return to him.</p><p>“I don’t care.”</p><p>He pulled back a bit, letting go of your hands, his low voice turning back into his usual cheerful one. “You should! I’ll give you all A’s and you won’t have to do even one assignment or even show up for class.”</p><p>You turned to face him, rubbing the red marks he’d left on your wrists.</p><p>“And in return?”</p><p>His eyes flew down to your wrists and you could feel his smile widening. “You’ll be with me again, like we used to.”</p><p>
  <em>It was senior year, and summer was inching closer and closer.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You sat in Shalnarks room, the insides of the room having barely changed over the years. There was a bed, a wardrobe where you knew he still kept the things he stole from you, two chairs and a bureau with an enormous computer set-up. There was never any mess when you visited, and you had never even met Shalnarks parents, even though you had visited weekly for years.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You had asked about that, but he had merely laughed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He was coding something, he had tried to explain the process to you once but when you had stared back at him with dead eyes, he had gotten the hint. It was nearly four o’clock, which was the usual time you had to go.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m going now.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He barely looked up. “Okay, say it first though.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your nails dug into your shirt. “I love you, Shalnark.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His smile widened.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You can go now.”</em>
</p><p>To say you stormed out of that bathroom was an understatement. The administration was left behind as you walked straight toward the exit.</p><p>The destination this time was your room, somewhere you could be without any interference, as even the bathrooms hadn’t been safe from him. You felt trapped, cheated and most of all, furious.</p><p>He really expected things to go right back to how they used to, not even slightly taking into account how much he had hurt you over the years. School had always been hell for you, you had never been able to make any friends beside him, if you could call him a friend, and now he was even planning to take college from you?</p><p>As you came ‘home’, you locked the door behind you, falling straight onto your bed. You screamed into your pillow for a second, and it slightly helped. Your entire tantrum was interrupted by the buzzing of your phone, and looking up you saw who had texted you.</p><p>Your eyebrows shot up when you saw the sender.</p><p>How the fuck had he gotten your number.</p><p>
  <em>From: Shalnark</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Please reconsider.’</em>
</p><p>Quickly you typed back a reply, throwing away your phone to the edge of the bed only to pick it back up as soon as it buzzed again.</p><p>
  <em>From: y/n</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Delete this number, Shalnark.’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>From: Shalnark:</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘☹ ‘</em>
</p><p>This time you really put your phone away, turning on the small old television your mother had gotten for a deal at the flea market. The device was old and could barely manage color, but it gave you something to watch. The fact that your phone kept buzzing and buzzing didn’t matter to you, or at least, you tried to act like it didn’t matter.</p><p>Before you knew it you had fallen asleep, the television halfway in showing some movie you remembered seeing a few years back. Your head laid heavy on the pillow, emotionally and physically exhausted.</p><p>At least, you were sleeping until the sudden knock on your door woke you up.</p><p>“I’m coming, I’m coming.” You called out with sleep still clouding your mind. Standing up, you had to grip the edge of your bed to not fall over, still a bit woozy from your nap.</p><p>You barely opened the door halfway before the door was slammed open all the way.</p><p>You were pushed back, only to see Shalnark, still wearing the suit he wore to class. He closed the door behind him, twisting the key that was inside the lock before removing the key altogether and putting it in his pocket.</p><p>As soon as you recognized him, you wanted to scream or yell at him to get out of here, but something about him seemed unstable. You had never seen him like this, his usual smile and cheery eyes interchanged with an empty expression and a frown.</p><p>“For a whole year, you were gone, y/n.” He said as soon as you took a step back, with you looking around for anything you could use as a weapon. “I looked forward to seeing you again, I really missed you, you know. When I saw you in class I thought you would come straight to me, but it seems I didn’t train you well enough.”</p><p>He took a step forward, his eyes shifting from empty to absolutely livid. “Instead you ignore my text messages and even try to run when you see me in public? Anyone else would assume you’re <em>avoiding</em> me.”</p><p>You try to reach for the phone laying on the edge of the bed, yet he’s on you in seconds. His hands envelop your wrists, and he pins them over your head against the wall. Up close he seems even angrier, something you had never seen before.</p><p>He had been annoyed sometimes, but his cheery smile usually seemed impossible to remove.</p><p>“A-Avoiding you?” You said, bitterness finally overflowing your senses. “Of course I am avoiding you, you fucking idiot. Do you even know you ruined my entire childhood? What do you think was going to happen? That I’d just <em>roll over</em> while you continue to force yourself into my life?”</p><p>His grip on your wrists grew tighter, but the angry look in his eyes disappeared, though you had been sure your words would enrage him. Even back then, he always hated it when you broke the role of ‘sweet and loving girlfriend’.</p><p>“Well, yeah.” To your absolute shock, he shrugged. “I know what I’m doing to you, but it’s a bit too late to just start dating like normal people and I’m not giving you up, so that’s that.”</p><p>“<em>That’s that?</em> You think that lightly of ruining my life?”</p><p>Shalnark scoffed. “If anything I’m taking this way too seriously. I also have other things I need to do, but even after all these years, it has to be you, so here we are.” With these words, he inched closer and pressed a kiss against the corner of your lips. You tried to move back, but the wall allowed for little moving space.</p><p>He hummed after the kiss, moving back to meet your eyes.</p><p>“Do you remember what you always said to me-“ <em>what you were forced to say</em>. “-before you left? Can you say it again for me?”</p><p>You pressed your lips shut, looking elsewhere in the room, though that became increasingly difficult with Shalnarks’ grip increasing to painful degrees and his eyes burning into yours. He moved to your ear, whispering with a huge smile on his face.</p><p>“If you say it. I’ll let you go.”</p><p>You exhaled, still looking anywhere but at him.</p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>He let go of your wrists as he promised, but his arms immediately wrapped themselves around your waist, lifting you up toward the bed. You cried out and tried to kick him, but nothing seemed to stick. He sat down in a corner, keeping you tightly in his arms in some sick parody of cuddling.</p><p>“Let me go, Shalnark. You promised!” You said though you should’ve known not to trust his words. You felt tears welling up in your eyes, your lip already wobbling as you tried to struggle out of his arms. He was a lot more athletic than you thought, and he kept you down with ease, even laughing as soon as he realized you were crying again. His blonde hair tickling you as he pressed you closer.</p><p>“You’re such a cry baby, y/n.”</p><p>Remaining silent, tears continued to stream down the sides of your face.</p><p>“Ahh, I came here to scold you, but having you close after all this time is so nice.” </p><p>You looked up at him, his eyes a bit glazed over, looking at your crying face, a ditzy smile on his face. “This might be too much information, but I want you to know that after you left me in the girl’s bathrooms, I just had to jerk off in the stall where you had cried. Just being near you after so long was a bit too exciting.”</p><p>Disgust flooded over you at his words, your eyes widening.</p><p>The mere thought of him desecrating the space where you had cried like that was unbelievable, yet at the same time, it came as no surprise.</p><p>With a redness rising to your cheeks you tried desperately to avoid picturing the scene. It seemed to be to no avail however as you couldn’t help it as the image of him leaning against the stall door with an unclasped belt, his hand making slow motions as his eyes rolled backward came flying through your mind, if only for a moment.</p><p>“Oh, don’t look at me like that.” He said, his usual cheery tone contrasting heavily with the subject and situation. He laughed lightly when you looked away from his gaze with a heavy blush. “I forgot you had no experience with any of that stuff, but I guess I’m to blame for that.”</p><p>In a sudden act of defiance, you started lying. “That’s not true, I had a boyfriend when I lived with my aunt…”</p><p>Shalnark let you go with one arm and flicked your forehead.</p><p>“Ow!”</p><p>His arm returned to its place around your waist, though the arm moved slowly, and made you hold your breath as his fingers grazed over your bra before quickly moving lower. For a second you thought he would move even lower, but he only smirked mischievously at you for assuming and pressed another kiss to the crook of your neck.</p><p>“Don’t lie to me, y/n. I would never let anyone else touch you. ”</p><p>He pressed some light kisses against your jaw, and you bit the inside of your cheeks to remain calm.</p><p>“But if you really want to get some experience, I am <em>more </em>than happy to oblige.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When your eyes opened, the first thing you felt was <em>anger</em>.</p><p>The moment you had woken up to his soft snores, his arm laying across your chest, his face nestled into your neck with his blonde hair tickling your cheeks, something within you snapped. The sight of how his peaceful face, one you had managed to evade for so long, was so close and touching you so intimately was maddening.</p><p>It took merely a few extra moments before you started realizing the events of the previous day hadn’t been a bad dream,  and you panicked.</p><p>He had made you <em>miserable</em> for so long. There had never been friends, there had never been crushes, there had never been anything but <em>consequences</em>. It felt as if he had stolen away the youth movies had promised you would have, and you couldn’t talk to anyone about it. He had stolen your entire childhood, had ensured you couldn’t make any real friends without constantly fearing them-</p><p>
  <em>-and the worst part was that he would get away with it.</em>
</p><p>Like always, he knew exactly where to push to get you to come back, and knowing him as long as you did, you knew Shalnark was not one for false threats. If you didn’t play along he would ruin your life, but if you played along, it would happen all the same, though a tad more sugar-coated.</p><p>This was the boy that had made his friends push you underwater. This was the boy that had forced you to spend time with him for years on end. This was the boy that had isolated you completely, stolen your belongings, trapped you in his room and made sure you received death threats by all your classmates.</p><p>This boy had stolen your childhood, of all the fun and happy things associated with youth, of prom nights, sweet first kisses and nights out with friends. This boy had made the first two decades of your life complete hell and laid unrepentant in your bed.</p><p>This was the man that said he <em>loved</em> you.</p><p>
  <em>Bending your legs around his waists, he continued his thrusts, each one more desperate and harsh than the last. His hands scoured every piece of skin he could find, caressing and grabbing you with a fervent desire you hadn’t often seen in his eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You can’t know, ahh, how much I love you..” He said, his voice laced with such ardent want that it scared you more than anything else. “I don’t love anyone but you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Suddenly he moved down to capture your lips in a kiss, though you kept your lips tightly pressed together. He smiled boyishly at the small rebellion, though he only had to force himself a little bit deeper for your mouth to open in a gasp. Taking the pain and pleasure induced gasp as an opening, he let his tongue enjoy the victory.</em>
</p><p>As you started feeling and <em>remembering</em> the bruises on your legs and the soreness between your legs, you started to cry. </p><p>Feeling your breathing becoming uneven, you tried to crawl away from the sleeping Shalnark, frantically pushing him away. He groaned a bit, but after a good deal of pushing and kicking away the sheets, you stood up. Standing naked in the middle of your own room did nothing to calm you, and within moments you were hyperventilating.</p><p>Your heart hammered in your throat, and your hands were shaking badly. A frantic look into the full-length mirror showed you exactly what you feared, a mess covered in bruises, tears, and hickeys. In the back of your mind a small voice told you that you had class in a few hours, and suddenly acting in complete auto-pilot, you started grabbing your books and things.</p><p>It was only when your bag was completely packed that you once again shut down.</p><p>Grabbing a blanket that was draped over one of the chairs, you curled up in one of the empty corners of the room, covering yourself with the soft fleece.</p><p>“You’re up early.” A voice suddenly quipped. “I don’t remember you being such a busy bee. You slept in so often in high school, I had to drag you out of bed at least once a week.”</p><p>Laying sideways, having probably followed your movements for a while, Shalnark laid on the bed, amusedly watching you.</p><p>Not responding, you covered your entire face with the blanket. It was the most childish logic you’d ever used, but not seeing him meant he wasn’t there. Your breathing was still irregular, feeling your heartbeat in your head, but by gripping the blanket with an iron grip, the shaking had stopped.</p><p>You heard the bed creaking, and by the sound of footsteps, you heard him walk towards you, crouching in front of you. Still ignoring him, he laid a hand on top of your head, through the blanket.</p><p>“Aww, are you feeling a bit sad~?” He cooed. “I know first times can be a bit sensitive for girls, but that’s no reason to just leave me all by myself.”</p><p>At his incredibly condescending voice, you pulled the blanket off your head, not saying anything. The pure fury you felt only increased as you noticed the large smirk on his face.</p><p>“Can you for once in your entire life not be an asshole?” You asked, your voice quivering with the panic and anger you still felt. “Just once.”</p><p>“Cursing doesn’t suit you, y/n.”</p><p>His disapproving tone made you shut up, having forgotten your position for a while. While not being outright as punishing as when you’d try to leave or avoid him, acting against his wishes always had consequences. Despite knowing this, your memories of the previous day flooded your head and the disappointment that then flooded your system hurt you more than anything he could say to you.</p><p>You told yourself for months you had changed.</p><p>But now you weren’t sure you really had.</p><p>Things had changed before you’d seen him. You were learning to trust people again, even if it was with baby steps. You’d predicted that maybe in a few months you could try making new friends, visit some foreign country or even go on a real date. It didn’t matter what it was, you just wanted to look at yourself and not hate the reflection. You had worked so hard.</p><p>He couldn’t just uproot all that.</p><p>After a bout of silence, you spoke up again. “I’m quitting college.”</p><p>“No, you’re not.”</p><p>“I am. And I’m going back to my aunt, and you’ll never see me again.” You rambled, your fingers digging into the blanket. “I won’t spend another minute here if you’re here.”</p><p>It got silent.</p><p>He had been crouching, but now he sat next to you, lowering his back against the wall. With a bit of embarrassment, you noticed he was still naked, just like you. The blanket formed a barrier against him though, and you tried not to let your eyes wander. Exasperation filled you as you noticed he was still smiling, if a bit forced.</p><p>“Do you remember a guy named Phinks? I’m sure you two must have met once or twice.” He suddenly said, turning to face you, his eyes completely empty.</p><p>You did recognize the name, and could vaguely recall his appearance. He had been a part of Shalnarks group of friends, though with the way they interacted, you wouldn’t really call them friends. Phinks had been one of the boys that had threatened to drown you if you didn’t promise to spend more time with Shalnark in elementary school.</p><p>They were <em>children</em> back then.</p><p>And they hadn’t been kidding, which made you very afraid of the adults they had probably become.</p><p>You didn’t know what they had been up to, but your interactions with them had been frightening at best, so you didn’t really care to find out. The fact that none of them were also alarmed by Shalnarks behavior, even though they were the only ones probably aware of the reality made you quite sure they weren’t exactly a bible study group.</p><p>“I do.”</p><p>“He still lives in our hometown- he doesn’t like traveling much- just a few blocks away from the old cinema, do you know where that is?” At your nod, he continued. “And while I really didn’t want to use this angle- It’s a bit cliché- but if you leave me again, I’ll give him a call and ask him to kill your parents. I don’t think he’d like taking orders from me, but he owes me.”</p><p>You felt deadly calm. Your breathing had come to a complete halt and even the shaking of your hands stilled in the absolute incredibility you felt as Shalnark finished speaking. The faces of your parents flashed before your mind, and every nerve in your body ran cold.</p><p>“You wouldn’t.”</p><p>But as you looked into his eyes, you saw nothing but cold determination, as if begging you to actually find out.  His hand reached out for your face, cradling it.</p><p>“I would,” Shalnark said, his voice missing the usual cheer it exuded. “You’ve been with me for two decades and you still don’t know how far I’d go? I preferred softer means so far, but you’ve really toughened up this last year, haven’t you? Just to make myself completely clear, I’m going to tell you a little something-.”</p><p>Tears fell down your cheek, but his thumb merely rubbed them away.</p><p>“-I’m going to tell you about your future.”</p><p>You looked up at his expression, which now had turned into a slightly manic, dreamy gaze. Whatever he was picturing, he was clearly enjoying the view. Noticing your stare, his smile widened and he started speaking in his usual tone of cheerfulness, though there was an edge of desperation in it.</p><p>“You’re going to stay here in college, first of all, and we’re going to start dating again, like we used to, though I will arrange for you to start living with me. After you get your degree, you’re going to marry me and maybe eventually have my children, though I’m still unsure if I really want any.” He chuckled as if he’d told a funny joke. “ I’ll leave that up to you~”</p><p>He pushed himself closer, leaning against your hunched form in the corner. With the utter certainty he was speaking and the growing feeling of helplessness in your own mind, the slow realization that he wasn’t kidding set in.</p><p>If he was trulyserious about his threats.</p><p>You were <em>really </em>stuck.</p><p>As Shalnark watched your expression shift to complete despair and helplessness, he sighed peacefully. He didn’t really want to hurt you, truly, but you really underestimated the lengths he’d take to ensure your company. </p><p>Life just wasn’t as nice without you.</p><p>Last night had been amazing, and he was sure you had to feel the same, even if it was currently outing itself in a vastly different way. He couldn’t wait to do it all over again, to taste your skin and truly show you how much he loved you. This was all just preparation, preparation for the life you were meant to lead with him.</p><p>Even if he had to force you into it.</p><p>“-At least, unless you want me to make a <em>little phone call</em>.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> “So I see here you’re currently doing very well on all your classes,” The study-advisor said as he looked at something on his laptop, probably your grades. “Very well done! You’re one of the few who’ve managed to get an A on the programming class this block. Mr Ryusei isn’t known for giving easy A’s.”</p><p>The dark humour that arose within you at that statement nearly made you laugh, though you kept it down. “I do my best.”</p><p>After the very first lesson, you hadn’t shone up to any of the classes, Shalnark assuring you that he’d take care of everything, as long as you kept listening to him. With your parents’ life on the line, you wouldn’t disobey anyway, so you took the offer with both hands. The fact that once again you depended on him made you sick to your stomach, but it was out of your hands.</p><p>With the other class you were following and the moving, you were busy enough anyway.</p><p>Within mere days after the ‘incident’, Shalnark had already sent you forms and money to arrange for you to move in with him. You tried to put it off, not wanting to give up living by yourself this soon, but he’d apparently gotten impatient, so when the moving company stood before your dorm room, you could do little else but grant access.</p><p>It was worse at school.</p><p>Shalnark wasn’t even all that serious about his teaching job, even admitting that it had mostly been a way to get closer to you, but he wanted to finish the remainder of his contract instead of being fired because of interpersonal relations with students, so he had warned you multiple times to stay quiet about the entire affair. You kind of understood why he wanted to keep his current set-up, being able to keep an eye on you both at school and at home.</p><p>“I can see that! Very impressive.” The advisor muttered on. “Have you already thought about your next courses? Or more importantly, what you want to do after you graduate?”</p><p>“I think I want to take some literature and art courses next block. Or philosophy.” You said, deciding all of it on the spot. “I know it’s a bit outside my current major, but I want to go that direction.”</p><p>Anything to get away from the STEM building, and besides, it didn’t really matter if you chose courses with zero chance for jobs, as Shalnark had made it very clear that he had money in spades, and that he didn’t expect or want you to get a job after graduation. You didn’t know why he still let you go to college in that case but weren’t about to take it for granted.</p><p>“Oh.” The study advisor said, a bit thrown off-guard. He typed in some things on his laptop. “Are you sure? I mean, we have some amazing courses here, but with your clear programming talents-“</p><p>“I’m sure.” You interrupted.</p><p>He gave you a few folders with some information, as well as some links to look at when you were at home. You listened attentively to his explanations, but soon you realized probably more time had passed than you had initially accounted for.</p><p>With a bit of an abrupt goodbye, you grabbed your coat and left the office, anxiously looking at the nearest clock.</p><p>3:23.</p><p>It would take about fifteen minutes to get to Shalnarks- and your- home, and you had promised to be back before 3:30.</p><p>Immediately you grabbed your telephone, sending a short text explaining your lateness. Within mere moments your phone screen lit up with a response.</p><p>
  <em>From: Shalnark</em>
</p><p>
  <em>To: You</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Third time this week ☹</em>
</p><p>You texted back a quick apology, but felt anxiety creep up on you with the lack of response to it. Quickly running to your bus stop, you nearly tripped on an outside staircase, but you still managed to catch the bus. It wasn’t that far, but every stop the vehicle made felt as one too many.</p><p>Coming ‘home’ was pretty disorienting these past few weeks. The house Shalnark had bought for the two of you was ridiculous, a three-story house downtown with probably enough room to house five families. You asked him how he’d ever been able to afford it, but he’d only answered with a wink, which was usually a sign that he didn’t really want to answer.</p><p>All your belongings had been stuffed in one side-room, still packed in the boxes the moving company had put them in, and you hadn’t found the time yet to unpack. Every necessity had been provided for anyway, and Shalnark had made it pretty clear where you’d sleep.</p><p>The first few nights, you’d barely been able to get a few hours of sleep, the arm swung around your waist not giving you the slightest room to breathe. He had always been clingy, but ever since you’d moved in, Shalnark had turned it up a notch, always touching and holding you whenever you were near.</p><p>
  <em>“Swallow this.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What?” You responded, looking at the small red capsule he held out in front of him. “What’s that?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A bit impatiently, his free hand grabbed your chin, placing the capsule in his own mouth before leaning down into a kiss. You felt his tongue push the capsule across your own, and felt the small thing dissolve in mere moments. As soon as he pulled away, you winced at the bitter taste and looked up at Shalnark in pure confusion.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What was that?” He didn’t respond, only taking your lips back on his, pushing you back onto the bed. His usual smile was absent, a rather intense expression replacing it. Leaning back into the mattress, you started feeling a bit strange.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shalnark positioned you on the bed, sitting in between your legs, taking off his own shirt first before pulling yours over your head. Your head felt dizzy, and a layer of heat had started forming across your skin. His hands wandered across your skin, a boyish smile returning to his face.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“W-what did you do?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You didn’t really seem to enjoy it the first time, so I made some arrangements.” He said, trailing his finger up and down your chest. “You’ll like it this time.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Despite the small voice in your mind telling you to panic, true to his words, the soft touch of his finger started igniting something within you. You arched your back, trying to get more of the feeling, the heat becoming nearly unbearable.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“See?” He said as he unbuckled his belt, his smile widening. “You’re learning~”</em>
</p><p>When you opened the door, he was exactly where you’d expected him to be. His new study was just like his old room, missing the bed and closet and replacing said space with monitors and boxes filled with electronic equipment. In the middle of the room, with his back turned to the entrance, he sat, focused on the code in front of him.</p><p>“I’m home.” You said, knocking softly on the door. He didn’t turn his chair around but only lifted his right hand, motioning for you to come closer.</p><p>Moving closer, you tried to read what he was working on, but despite your study advisor’s lavish praise on your ‘programming skills’ you had no idea what you were looking at. When you finally stood next to him, Shalnark finally turned to you sporting his usual cheery expression, swivelling the chair slightly toward you, pulling you into his lap.</p><p>“Hey,” He pressed a kiss against your head, during which you relaxed in his hold. “How was your day?”</p><p>“Good, I think.” You responded. “The talk with the study advisor went fine, he gave me a lot of info on the courses I might be interested in.”</p><p>“Hmmm, did he?” Shalnark responded, still smiling cheerily, his fingers returning to the keyboard. “Is he the reason you’re late?”</p><p>“I just lost track of time.”</p><p>“That’s what you said Friday as well.” His tone got a tad sharper, though his fingers still typed away merrily as if he wasn’t speaking at all. “You are a late sleeper, but you were never late this often in high school, so what’s going on? Are you meeting people? Where are you going? <em>Who are you meeting?</em>”</p><p>You tried to sit up, but he immediately pushed you back, giving you a warning glance. “Shal, who would I even meet? Maybe I am late a bit more often because I’m new to college and I suddenly moved away off campus?”</p><p>“If you’re lying to me, I’ll find out.”</p><p>Now you got mad, sneering at the man holding you. “I’m not lying! Can’t you even <em>slightly</em> trust me?”</p><p>He stopped typing.</p><p>Shalnarks arms wrapped themselves around you, pressing you as close to him as he could. “You <em>left</em> me, y/n.”</p><p>
  <em>On the small screen of his cell phone, he watched the live security footage of the restaurant. You hadn’t been working there for too long, but you were already running the counter by yourself, though Shalnark hadn’t expected anything else.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You looked so cute in the apron~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Are you still watching that?” Feitan mused, sitting a few feet away from him. Shalnark only nodded, his eyes glued to the screen. He had already done his part for the current mission and was enjoying his free time watching you, as he had started doing the minute he realized you weren’t coming back for a while. “If she is really that important to you, why let her stay there?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Don’t bother, Feitan.” Chrollo interrupted, barely looking up from his book. “Shalnark has always been secretive when it comes to y/n.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You finished up a sale, closing the register before softly smiling. You looked so carefree, so content and so incredibly <b>happy</b>. Shalnark could barely keep up his smile, instead wanting to crush the phone in his hands.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I will get her back.” He said, still attentively memorizing every smile and movement you made on the screen. “I’m just letting her get it out of her system.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“How considerate.” Feitan chuckled.</em>
</p><p>You kept quiet for a few moments, taking in the current situation. He sounded heartbroken and above all, <em>hurt, </em>but you were careful in deciding whether or not to believe this façade. Shalnark was an expert in controlling his emotions, and very often he only expressed excessive emotions to trick you into caring or letting up.</p><p>“And you hurt me, Shal.” You replied, not able to even look at his face. “You can’t blame me for trying to get away from all that.”</p><p>Shalnark didn’t look impressed. “I don’t, but I hope you’ll understand why I can’t exactly trust you.”</p><p>You didn’t respond, only burying your face farther in the fabric of his shirt. Tears had started forming in the corners of your eyes, but you didn’t want to cry again. Lately, he only needed to raise his voice in order for you to start crying, though you were pretty sure he didn’t mind, probably getting off on comforting you and holding you while you wept.</p><p>Despite your efforts, he noticed. “Ahh honey, don’t cry. It’ll be okay. You’ve got me, shhh. It’ll get better, I promise.”</p><p>He went on with his sweet nothings, whispering them in your ear as you softly cried against his shirt, staining it with tears. His hand moved to your back, slowly stroking it in long comforting motions.</p><p>“You might not get it right now, but I do <em>really</em> love you.” He said, pressing a kiss to your head. “You have no idea how much I’d do for you.”</p><p>
  <em>You had gotten an admirer.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shalnark had first noticed the recurring customer when they had come in with some friends and had thought nothing of it, but the following days, the guy kept returning, ordering nothing but a coffee each time. The filthy excuse of a human being kept ogling you, looking you up and down like he had even the slightest semblance of a chance. Disgusting.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your dear boyfriend had visited your new house about two times, once to install the cameras and once when he’d been in the neighbourhood anyway. Both times he’d watched you from a distance, yet hadn’t closed the gap, not wanting to startle you away again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The situation required an intervention, and while usually he preferred less direct means, your admirer called for his personal attention.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Beating the boy to death in a cold alley-way while it was raining was certainly satisfying, the blood dripping off his hands as soon as the raindrops cascading down the scene, the boy begging for a mercy he didn’t deserve.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shalnark could only laugh at him.</em>
</p><p>The rest of the afternoon was slow. As soon as you’d calmed down, you left his study, mumbling something about doing work for school. Shalnark didn’t mind, though the conversation did stick with him. He returned to his work, his mind better able to focus on the lines on the monitor with your smell and touch still fresh in his mind.</p><p>Your behaviour was changing rather subtly, but Shalnark knew you well enough to notice the small shifts. You still cried as easily as you had your entire life, but you no longer flinched away from him, even leaning into him for comfort. Living with him and spending nearly every moment of sunlight with him was starting to chip away at your resolve, leaving you vulnerable and pliant.</p><p>
  <em>It was perfect~!</em>
</p><p>Within months you’d crack, he was sure of it. All that stubbornness and grief would wash away, leaving you as dependant on him as you humanly could. Your time away from him hadn’t changed anything. You still belonged to him just as much as you ever had, but now you would really realize. You’d realize just how much you needed him.</p><p>How much you <em>loved</em> him.</p><p>Shalnark could barely contain his laughter at the thought.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Eyyo, are you ready?” Miria said excitedly, blue hair peeking around the doorway into the bedroom. “Just make sure you’re wearing comfortable shoes, we’ll figure the rest out along the way.”</p><p>From the moment you had opened the door, the blue-haired woman had bounced around the house, acting as comfortable as a guest could get. You didn’t mind it, but having never really been a hostess in the house you shared with your soon-to-be husband made the entire ordeal a bit more stressful.</p><p>The wedding was in two days.</p><p>Shal had asked you only a few weeks ago, a sudden request you couldn’t deny. He’d handed you a beautiful ring and pressed it around your finger, the gold an eyesore to you any time you looked in the mirror.</p><p>He hadn’t been patient with it as well, not even waiting till your graduation. You didn’t really tell anyone at school, but even then you could feel the judgment, even if they didn’t even know. You could feel their stares glaring through you, judging the ring around your finger.</p><p>It was only a title, but it was something you’d hoped to be able to share with someone you loved more than anyone.</p><p>Not someone who scared you more than anyone.</p><p>He’d planned most of it, or he’d hired some planner, you didn’t really know. The only thing you had influence over was the dress, which you had chosen while accompanied by Miria. The afternoon had been pretty fun, though the sight of the dress made you choke up every time. Miria understood pretty well, and did her best to calm you, even if she didn’t really know-how.</p><p>From info both she and Shalnark had shared with you, she was the girlfriend of someone else from Shalnarks ‘group’ and had apparently volunteered to help you when he’d shared the news.</p><p>The first few meetings between you had been awkward, as you didn’t really know how to make friends anymore, but she’d been good enough at it that a light form of friendship had started to form.</p><p>Your fiancée also clearly encouraged your friendship, both with subtle and not-so-subtle comments. Apparently one of his ‘friends’ had convinced him that totally isolating you was probably not that healthy for you, and while the patronizing tone was infuriating, you could quite nearly kiss that member for giving Shalnark the idea.</p><p>You didn’t know why he considered this ‘girlfriend’ to be such a ‘safe’ companion for you, but it was pretty clear after the first meeting.</p><p>It was obvious her situation wasn’t a whole lot different from yours, the subtle flinches and disassociating moments too familiar to not be.</p><p>You had been ready for a while and had used a change in outfit as an excuse to get some more time before the inevitable, though you hadn’t even opened your wardrobe. You had just sat down with an impending sense of doom.</p><p>Your bachelorette party.</p><p>Miria’s head still peeked around the corner.</p><p>“Aw, you didn’t even change. Realize the first outfit was amazing after all?” Miria said teasingly. It was clear she knew what was happening, but it seemed her only response to difficult situations was to try and lighten it up with humour. “Don’t blame you, you look really nice!”</p><p>“Thanks.” You said, standing up from the bed. “Are you going to tell me where we’re going yet?”</p><p>A blinding smile flashed on the girls face. “No! Of course not!”</p><p>Sighing but with a smile, you grabbed your bag and moved behind Miria, who immediately grabbed her keys and quite nearly skipped to the front door. You locked it behind you and turned to her car.</p><p>Her car was absolutely ridiculous, an absolutely enormous and expensive car, with a back littered in ridiculous stickers she had planted on there. It had apparently been a gift for her birthday, but she’d been quite clear with her distaste. ‘They’re just stolen goods to shut you up.’ She’d said. ‘Never forget that, it’s never genuine.’</p><p>Nevertheless, the sight of the beast of a car immediately cleared your mood. The car rides were the only place where you and her talked openly about everything, though it was clearly hard for you both.</p><p>And so as soon as you both sat down in the car, you noticed her easy-going expression gain a bit of an edge. “You okay, y/n?”</p><p>“I am. It’s just…” You trailed off, though you were unsure of what you had even wanted to say. It’s just what? You felt trapped, isolated, like every step was on shards of glass. This entire wedding enterprise was just one more step into Shalnarks arms, and it wouldn’t be long before you wouldn’t even be able to remember a time without him, if there had ever been such a time.</p><p>“I know, I know.” She mumbled under her breath. “Do you want to know why I really wanted to have this party thingie? It’s not the bachelorette part, trust me, though I do wanna get drunk with you.”</p><p>“I don’t know.” You fumbled with the buttons on the side of your door, watching the window go up and down a bit. “A bit of fresh air before I’m locked in some cellar?”</p><p>Miria’s tone grew hard, none of the earlier bubbliness present. “Your exact phrasing is part of why. I forgot to say something very important last time we met, and I needed to make sure you understood something.”</p><p>You stopped fumbling, turning your attention to Miria. “What did you need to say?”</p><p>“The way that we talk, what we talk about, and all that shit. There will be other women at the wedding, and I personally know some of them are going to help with some thing or another. At the very least they will try to talk to you.” She stated, her voice even and pronounced. “<em>Don’t talk to them</em> like you do with me. They <em>are not</em> your friends.”</p><p>“I-I kind of figured something like that.” You mumbled.</p><p>“Short answers only and don’t respond to any provocation.” Miria forcefully added on. “I need to be a hundred percent sure you’ll keep calm because if you say anything about our conversations, we’re both dead. Well not dead, but in serious fucking trouble.”</p><p>You nodded, sinking away in the seat. “I won’t say anything, you have my word.”</p><p>“Okay.” Miria nodded, calming herself down, her hands drumming a rhythm on the steering wheel. She mostly listened to you, never talking about her own situation, but moments like these didn’t make you envy her position. “I’m sorry for shouting, I just-“</p><p>“No, I get it.” You interrupted. “You don’t have to apologize to me about stuff like that, I get it.”</p><p>“I don’t mean to ignore…. your own experiences. I heard you grew up in the same town as them, which must’ve been utter bullshit. I just have my own experiences with the ‘troupe’ and wanted to make sure we were on the same page.” Suddenly a guilt-ridden look crossed her face. “Shit, I’m really sorry. I really didn’t mean to yell.”</p><p>“It’s okay. Really.”  </p><p>It was silent for a few moments, before she regained herself and nodded.</p><p>“If you say so. Okay.” She clicked her lips and started the car. Within mere seconds, she produced a fake, yet enthusiastic smile on her face, and you nearly forgot that she’d been yelling at you only a few seconds ago. “Let’s go get drunk. We deserve it.”</p><p>The car accelerated and before you knew it, the house was fully out of sight, only present yet in the back of your mind.</p><p>You snorted. “That we do.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Later in the night, when drinks had been pouring heavily and you had been dancing your feet off, the two of you found yourself in the ladies rooms, surrounded by people who had either one drink too many or were just waiting in line.</p><p>“I’m not going to be there.” Miria suddenly said, looking a bit guilt-ridden into the dirty mirror. “Your wedding, I mean.”</p><p>“What do you mean? You have to be there!” You stated, raising your voice. “You’re literally the only person I want there, including the groom.”</p><p>Miria smiled, though it lacked any feeling. “<em>He’s</em> not going to be there, so I am also not going to be there.” The words were spoken with ample bitterness, a near mocking ring to them. The loud dance music reverberated through the restroom, a few women dancing in the doorway, but you could still hear the blue-haired woman clearly. “Something came in between apparently.”</p><p>There was a short silence, as you struggled to respond without bursting into tears. In complete silence you washed your hands, occasionally making eye-contact through the mirror. Leaving the restroom, the two of you walked toward the bar and ordered something without speaking another word on the topic. The drinks arrived, but you couldn’t take the silence anymore, the tension becoming too high.</p><p>You had to ask.</p><p>“Will you be back after?”</p><p>“Who knows.” She threw back a shot after the words passed her lips.</p><p>~~~</p><p>“And? Did you have fun?” His fingers tangled through your hair, stroking it absentmindedly as you woke up, your back to his chest. You nodded and leaned into the affection. “Was this your first time getting drunk? I don’t think we’ve ever gone out.”</p><p>Your hands rubbed the sleep out of your eyes. “I went out a few times back at my aunt. She didn’t like me coming home late, though, so it was only a few times.”</p><p>“Oh?” His hand halted for a second, before resuming the calming and quite nice feeling movements in your hair. He let out a short laugh. “I honestly didn’t know that. Who did you go with?”</p><p>“See? You don’t know everything.” You smiled and really felt quite victorious for a few seconds, only to completely lose the sense as he removed his hand from your hair. You reached out behind you and grabbed his hair to pull it back, which he allowed with mild laughter. “I think with some colleagues from the restaurant? I have no idea, actually.”</p><p>“Not that memorable then.” He replied, awfully pleased with himself.</p><p>“I guess not.” You relented.</p><p>It was in moments like these that you could quite nearly forget everything and relax. It was hard to stay mad all the time, especially when it was a nice morning and he wasn’t mean or aggressive or overbearing but just <em>warm</em>. You barely had a hangover and as the sun was streaming through the window in such gentle and warm beams, you felt all stress just wash away from your body. “It was fun yesterday though.”</p><p>“That’s nice.”</p><p>After about a half-hour more of soft chatter and comfortable silences, you finally felt the need to get out, if only to get some food and visit the bathroom. You thanked every single deity that you had decided to shower as soon as you got home, drunk and all, as you didn’t feel nearly as disgusting as you could’ve. With a dissatisfied yet harmless grumble from Shal, you removed his hand from your hair and sat up straight.</p><p>He mirrored you, his eyes languidly following you as you stood up and grabbed some comfy clothes</p><p>“Only one more day. Are you looking forward to it?” Even the impending doom of your walk down the aisle didn’t sour your morning, though it did etch away the slight fairy tale calm you had been feeling until then. “I sure am.”</p><p>You hummed as an answer, not really intent on lying this early in the morning.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Despite the utter nausea you felt looking at yourself in the mirror, you had to admit the dress you had chosen was beautiful.</p><p>It was a small reprieve, but still.</p><p>It had long lace sleeves, was traditionally white and flew out from your waist in a soft silky fabric. The back was fastened with a corset, and despite your insistence on no veil, as soon as you entered the dressing room, there had been a headdress with a short veil ready. You hadn’t picked it out, but you didn’t need to guess who did.</p><p>There were some other women and acquaintances of Shalnark who roamed the ‘bride’s’ side of the endeavour, though you heeded Miria’s warning and steered clear of anything more than niceties and simple conversation.</p><p>With lidded eyes and calm voices, they helped you get dressed and ready you for the ceremony. Shizuku, a black-haired woman helped you put on the dress and a tall blonde women named Pakunoda had said little more than hello, doing your make-up in complete silence.</p><p>“Stay still.”</p><p>“Y-yeah sure.”</p><p>When she was done you looked absolutely stunning, which you had to grant her some credits for, but it did nothing to lessen the ache in your chest. You didn’t want <em>her</em> to do this. You didn’t even want her to <em>be</em> here. <em>You wanted your fucking family next to you and to not be here and to not have to marry someone who had made your entire life a living hell-</em></p><p>By pinching your thumb, you calmed yourself down, smiling at Pakunoda and Shizuku as they left the room.</p><p>You had always imagined your parents to be present on this day, at least to walk you to the aisle, but you hadn’t had any contact with them for the past few months, not even informing them of the wedding itself. There were not going to be many people here you knew anyway.</p><p>Now you were sitting in the dressing room by yourself, staring in the mirror.</p><p>When Shal had asked if you wanted anyone to replace your father, you’d been adamant in stating you’d walk the aisle by yourself. There was little you were adamant about in this entire wedding endeavour, but being walked down the aisle by someone you didn’t know felt like an insult to your father.</p><p>All the ideas or dreams you’d ever had surrounding marriage had been skewed from the start, having never strayed away from the blonde for too long, but you’d held expectations, such as being walked down the aisle by your father.</p><p>It hurt to see all dreams you had of marriage fall apart right in front of your eyes, but you forced yourself not to think about it too long.</p><p>You played with the lace hem of your dress as the minutes ticked by.</p><p>The hour drew near, and with a short knock on the door, you knew you had to go. Walking through the corridor, you could feel your heartbeat in your neck with each step toward the hall. Holding a bouquet of colourful flowers, you tried to focus on not tripping, which you succeeded in, though the dress didn’t make it easy.</p><p>There was a man at the door who worked at the building, who shot you a pitying smile, which you returned whole-heartedly. It wasn’t hard to see why he pitied you, a lone bride walking unaccompanied to her wedding, not even a friend or family member there to encourage you. He opened the door with studied grace nonetheless, revealing you to a sight you’d been dreading for ages.</p><p>The pews were largely empty, a few familiar faces turning around as you entered the hall. A black-haired man that sat in the front pew smiled softly as you looked up from the bouquet, and though you couldn’t recall his name, something about him seemed quite familiar.</p><p>
  <em>(The group surrounding you laughed as they pushed your head underwater, only pulling you up when their leader lifted his hand. Some bellowed with laughter as you came up, gasping for breath and struggling to get away.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Is she talking yet?” The soft voice of heir black-haired leader interrupted, the rest of the group quieting down when he spoke. “What do you say when Shalnark asks you to play with him?”)</em>
</p><p>Your gaze flew over the interior, appreciating it. The entire hall was decorated very tastefully, and you noted with slightly approving eyes that while your groom hadn’t at all involved you in the process, he’d taken your taste somewhat into account. Several decorations were in your favourite colour, which was something.</p><p>Even if all else was horrifying and miserable, at least he seemed to know you quite well.</p><p>
  <em>(He turned to you, your favourite stuffed toy in hand. “You don’t mind if I take this, right?”)</em>
</p><p>His guests all sat in the same area on his side, your side completely empty. This wasn’t unexpected, as you had invited no one. Inviting family was out of the question with the other guests present, and it wasn’t like you had any real friends you could invite anyway.</p><p>
  <em>(“Did you hear what y/n did? I heard she did it with three guys behind the bleachers.”)</em>
</p><p>It still hurt to see.</p><p>Finally, your gaze fell to the man of the hour, who beamed at you from the ‘altar’, though there was nothing religious to be seen in the entirety of the hall. Shalnark looked absolutely perfect, wearing a well-fitting black suit, a corsage on his chest and the most radiant smile you’d seen in a while. </p><p>Your submissive and lamenting posture contrasted heavily with the excitement you saw him exude from his place up front, and to somewhat lessen the heavy feeling, you smiled softly back at him.</p><p>He seemed so <em>excited.</em></p><p>
  <em>(“You can’t know, ahh, how much I love you..” He said, his voice laced with such ardent want that it scared you more than anything else. “I don’t love anyone but you.”)</em>
</p><p>Walking closer and refusing to make eye-contact with anyone but your fiancé, you reached the altar by yourself and took the extended hand Shalnark held out. He squeezed comfortingly in your hand, and the gesture could nearly allow you to pretend like this wasn’t all as horrifying as it felt to you.</p><p>You could quite nearly hear your family behind you, cheering you on, wishing you the best. Your parents softly sniffling in the front pews, wondering where the time had gone, yet elated at your obvious happiness.</p><p>You could imagine the friends, the ones you could have made during high school and college, all wearing their prettiest clothes and oh so excited for you. Friends who would have been there for you through your life, as you would have been there for them. Lazy afternoons hanging out, prom nights and trips to the mall or the park or wherever the fuck groups of friends went.</p><p>You could even imagine someone else standing next to you, someone that loved you without having to resort to any of this. Someone who hadn’t monopolized your entire life. Someone who hadn’t made your entire youth miserable and stolen everything you had ever wanted.</p><p>How you longed back to those days before college where you had pretended and believed to be capable of being anywhere else.</p><p>Anywhere else than by his side.</p><p>The ceremony was rather short, and there were no long vows to one another, only that which was necessary to be legally binding. There would also be no party after this, though you knew Shalnark was planning to take you somewhere on a honeymoon. Where, you didn’t know. </p><p>The priest, or whatever the hell he was, finished his speech and came to the most important part, the part you’d been dreading most.</p><p>Shalnark gave his ‘I do’ with the excitement of someone who’d been waiting a long time for this, nearly interrupting the priest mid-sentence, even making some of his guests snicker in the pews with his eagerness. </p><p>He didn’t seem to care, his smile widening as the moment for you to say it came closer, his eyes so <em>loving </em>as they were focused on you. Once again he squeezed your hand.</p><p>“And will you, y/n l/n, take Shalnark Ryusei as your lawfully wedded husband?”</p><p>
  <em>(Your nails dug into your shirt. “I love you, Shalnark.”)</em>
</p><p>You smiled and squeezed his hand back.</p><p>“I do.”</p>
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